so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
