Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
