My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
