Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
