1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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