There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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