omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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