i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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