so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
