she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
