I'm going to jail i love you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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