I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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