Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
