If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
