Got a toothbrush?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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