Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
