Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
