Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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