The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize