I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
