the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
