piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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