I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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