So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
