just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
