Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
