I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
