Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
