my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
