Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
