Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
