Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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