Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
