if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
