I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Randomize
