a queef is a wish your heart makes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
do nipples grow back?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
