I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
