Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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