I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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