Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
