Non-Jews are for practice
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The air was thick with penises
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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