Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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