what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
