I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
