it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
