I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
