can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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