halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
