I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize