Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
