Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We're too hungover to prance.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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