jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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