I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
