we're blogging at a bar
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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