TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
