I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
