you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
