My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
