I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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