i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
