He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
