Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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