After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
