just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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