and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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