Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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